I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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