I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Terrible idea I love it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
