Where did you get a picture of my penis
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize