the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
