Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
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mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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