The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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