You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
