As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
