Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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