i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
