Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
