it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
