so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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