guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
