if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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