Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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