Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
