it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think people are normalizing furries
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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