Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
