you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
