What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
