Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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