i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
