DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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