just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
