I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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