So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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