i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
