I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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