my vag is so smooth its legendary
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
