Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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