Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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