you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
