Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
