she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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