You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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