i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
