Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
