Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
