I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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