Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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