GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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