found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
