drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
