Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
