i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
