I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
