She is in my trunk
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
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yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize