margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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