I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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