Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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