Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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