I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
