Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
