Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
