i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
