so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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