Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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