he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
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Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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