I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
