her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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