Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
