her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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