he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
