I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he fucked my hip out of place.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
