Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
