she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
