This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
