When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
