Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
