Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
