Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
