I wish I could punch you in the face.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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