I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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