I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
