This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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