Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize