My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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