You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish my penis had an off switch
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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